"This Building Is What's Going To Happen To All Of Us. That's Why It's So Fucking Hard To Look At, But Why We Can't Look Away. It's Why Some People Hate This City And It's Why Other People Are Still Drawn To It And Keep Believing In It. The Fear And The Fascination."

Disclaimer: I know that The Narcissism of Small Differences is not about me and my bf. I know that. Michael Zadoorian wrote it years ago and couldn't possibly have written about our envisioned relationship today. But seriously you guys, this book is about me and my bf. Like freakishly, frighteningly, for reals about us. Let's take a look at the evidence, shall we? 

• The couple in the story have been dating for 15 years (bf and I have 15 years since we met coming up at the end of this month). 
• The female character, Ana, turns 40 in the novel (uhhh...less than a year ago for me). 
• The couple isn't married and don't have or want kids, decisions that they are judged for by others (in all fairness, my family stopped asking me questions about when the bf and I were going to get married a really long time ago and has never really questioned my decision to not want kids. Although I wouldn't be surprised if they talk amongst themselves about it. But we've certainly had other people/friends question our choices).
• Ana has a high-powered, high-stress corporate job which she is well-compensated for, making more than her partner Joe (check). 
• So many issues that the couple has on their plate, I swear are issues that we are dealing with or have dealt with. I won't go into too much detail about this, because I would like to protect our privacy at least somewhat. 
• One of Joe's coworker's names is Jin (the bf has a coworker with the same name). 
• At one point late in the book, Ana makes dinner for Joe, from pesto that she had recently made and jarred. I FRIGGIN MADE PESTO THE WEEK BEFORE I STARTED READING THIS BOOK! I'm on a crazy pesto kick right now. 

So yeah. So many similarities! But I have a theory about this. Yes, my bf is a friend of the author (he is even mentioned as his performance artist namesake for an event the characters planned to attend in the book !). But I don't necessarily think that would mean that the bf would have shared any of these relevant details of our relationship that appear in the book to Michael. I do believe, however, that we as a couple gravitate towards people who believe in the same things we do and live our lives in the free-wheeling, non-traditional way that we do (fondly referred to in the novel as "being weird"). We spend time with other couples/individuals who don't have kids, who don't believe in traditional marriage, and who just live their lives without ascribing to the societal expectations of what a normal relationship looks like. Maybe we gravitate to each other subconsciously, or maybe it's just easier to make plans and spend time with people who don't have kids. So by this shared time together, we acknowledge the similarities of what we've experienced, spoken or unspoken. The bf and I haven't really spent any time with Michael and his wife as a couple, but we do have mutual friends that we're all close with who all share similar circumstances. So maybe there are pockets of us "weird" childless, occasionally unmarried couples (and even in our case, not even living together), who see something of ourselves reflected in each other. And maybe that's how it filtered through? 

So anywho. I loved this book. Michael has such a relatable way of presenting his characters and writing in their voices. There's wit, knowledge, humor, and a realness that is easy to relate to and gives so much humanity to these characters. And set against the backdrop of the city of Detroit (and nearby suburbs) in 2009, it's interesting to contrast the struggles/crumbling of the city against the struggles of the couple in the novel, Joe and Ana. As a side note: it's quite remarkable how much Detroit has changed in 11 years. I moved here in 2010, and the city looked nothing like it does today (a large majority of the buildings in the downtown area were abandoned and now I think that number is down to only a couple. They literally cannot re-do buildings fast enough, with residential capacity in the immediate downtown area over 90%). I blew through this book in less than a week (mostly because we were up north relaxing over 4th of July weekend), I enjoyed it that much. Highly recommend - it's not necessarily a light and jaunty summer read, but you'll get so much more out of this one. 

I've shifted back to my book lists, picking up Main Street by Sinclair Lewis. I didn't realize until I started reading the background info about the author and novel at the beginning of the book that I had already read Babbitt. So it gives me a slightly better idea of what to expect for this novel knowing the tone and topic of that one. But apparently when Main Street was published in 1920, it became an instant hit, with significant numbers of people buying the book, way more than would normally have access to/purchase books at that time. So I'm looking forward to this one. 

Happy doldrums of summer!