"All I Do Is Complain, The Repugnance Seems Bottomless, And I'm Beginning To Wonder if Maybe Enough Isn't Enough"

If only the author hadn't taken his own character's advice. Because enough was enough very early on in this book.  

I loathed Portnoy's Complaint. Like, a lot. I had a hard time even finishing it because all it was, was a very self-aware man who loathes everything and knows that this comes from his overbearing Jewish mother and the sexual repression from his family and childhood (to which he becomes the exact opposite, the sluttiest man-whore you could craft). And it's really just constant complaining, about everything (so the title is very apt). And how every single thought, decision, motivation in his life is completely geared towards jerking off or fucking women. But in every instance, he is never satisfied and continues to complain about it. Even when he finds the kinkiest, craziest, best lay he could ever dream of, even she isn't enough. And he sabotages everything and treats her like shit. That's fine that he doesn't want to marry her because he doesn't want to repeat the way he was raised, and yes, she is a little crazy herself, but he has so much contempt for this woman who is clearly the closest thing he'll ever get to being satisfied. And maybe that's the point. 

And all of the descriptions of the book describe it as being this hilarious novel. There were some bits here and there where I didn't mind his sarcasm and I can appreciate how this "humor" was intended to make the character relatable and funny, in spite of his neuroses. But I just didn't identify with the humor. Maybe when this novel came out in the 1960s it felt revolutionary for it's (male) approach to sexuality, but I personally don't think it aged well. And if any man tells you this is his favorite book, run. 

So yeah, definitely wouldn't recommend this unless you want to spend 274 pages being infuriated. 

Next up is Tracks by Louise Erdrich. 190 books to go.  

"She Knows Full Well What It's Like To Tamp Down Your Natural Inclinations, To Force A Smile When You Feel Numb. After A While You Don't Know What Your Own Needs Are Anymore. You're Grateful For The Slightest Hint Of Kindness, And Then, As You Get Older, Suspicious."

It continues to amaze me that there are any number of things that happened in this country's history that I have never learned about. Or more accurately, that aren't taught in schools. And Orphan Train is a perfect example. Did you know that between 1854 and 1929, thousands of abandoned children were shuttled from the east coast to the midwest and west to be "adopted" by families? And the word "adopted" is clearly intentionally in quotes, because often farmers and struggling families would take on these children to function as hired hands and servants rather than adopted as a child they would take in and love (of course the babies would be the most desirable for couples who wanted a child...not so different from today, huh?). 

This novel tells the story of one Irish immigrant, Vivian, whose parents and siblings die in a fire in New York. At 9 years old, without a single person in the world (or at least in America) who had any interest in caring for her, she is shuttled off to the Children's Aid Society, who will transport and help place all of these orphans in homes out west. With no idea what her future holds, Vivian goes through multiple homes, being abused, used for labor, starved, and finally to a quiet, household with two "parents" who accept Vivan and teach her how to run their store. Told in parallel in modern day, is the story of Molly who herself has been bounced between many foster homes, mistreated, and bitter. As part of her court-ordered community service, she begins helping 91-year old Vivian as she cleans out her attic (although not much is discarded), reliving and retelling her childhood. And the two find they have a lot more in common with their lived experiences than Molly would have initially thought.  

This book so well captures the sense of loss, helplessness, abandonment, and fear that so many orphans face. I mean the quote used as the title of this post breaks my heart. Literally having no one in the entire world. As a child. To want to accept any kind of kindness only find heartbreak over and over again. And not understanding what you did wrong to suffer the way you do. There is a gut-wrench to this novel that, even now, makes me want to cry. I certainly enjoyed this novel and as I mentioned, it's a shame that events like this that marked eras of American history aren't more widely known. 

Back to the lists. Up next, Portnoy's Complaint by Philip Roth.