"The Picture, Changed or Unchanged, Would be to Him the Visible Emblem of Conscience."

I honestly don't know how I didn't read The Picture of Dorian Gray sooner than at 43 years of age. I read The Importance of Being Earnest a few years back and just loved Wilde's style of writing, humor, and yes, everyone's favorite adjective to describe him, wit. But I guess I never looked into what the novel was about, the circumstances around Wilde and his life, and really didn't know much about it. Boy, do I wish I had read it sooner. 

It really felt as close to a perfect novel as I think I've ever read. The concept of a person's soul being encapsulated in a painting and then deteriorating as the human himself behaves in reprehensible ways, while his human form remains youthful, beautiful, and flawless, is so simple, but quite brilliant. And it wasn't just this basis that gave the book its strength, but how Wilde wove his insightful commentary on the human condition as it pertained to what Dorian was going through. Even though this commentary was often very egotistical, self-centered, lacking compassion for others, and vanity personified. There are countless passages I could have used for the quote in my heading, but here are just a few that I loved:

"Because to influence a person is to give him one's own soul. He does not think his natural thoughts, or burn with his natural passions. His virtues are not real to him. His sins, if there are such things as sins, are borrowed. He becomes an echo of some one else's music, an actor of a part that has not been written for him. The aim of life is self-development. To realize one's nature perfectly - that is what each of us is here for. People are afraid of themselves, nowadays. They have forgotten the highest of all duties, the duty that one owes to one's self."

"It is a sad thing to think of, but there is no doubt that Genius lasts longer than Beauty. That accounts for the fact that we all take such pains to over-educate ourselves. In the wild struggle for existence, we want to have something that endures, and so we fill our minds with rubbish and facts, in the silly hope of keeping our place. The thoroughly well-informed man 0 that is the modern ideal. And the mind of the thoroughly well-informed man is a dreadful thing."

"I never approve, or disapprove, or anything now. It is an absurd attitude to take towards life. We are not sent into the world to air our moral prejudices. I never take any notice of what common people say, and I never interfere with what charming people do."

"The worship of the senses has often, and with much justice, been decried, men feeling a natural instinct of terror about passions and sensations that seem stronger than themselves, and that they are conscious of sharing with the less highly organized forms of existence. But it appeared to Dorian Gray that the true nature of the senses had never been understood, and that they had remained savage and animal merely because the world had sought to starve them into submission or to kill them by pain, instead of aiming at making them elements of a new spirituality, of which a fine instinct for beauty was to be the dominant characteristic."

And that last passage really seems to speak to Wilde himself. It's quite sad reading this ~130 years later knowing that he served 2 years in prison/hard labor for "gross indecency" with men for being gay. And eventually died at a young age in abject poverty. 

I don't generally like to go back and re-read books. I'm a one and done kind of gal. I think the only books I've re-read were Beloved and The Bell Jar, which are both two of my favorites. I can absolutely see this being one I eventually read again as well. It was just so rich and like I said, felt like the perfect novel. I feel like I could admire and appreciate so much more on a second read, so we'll see if I one day get around to that. 

So while I close out 2022 with this book, I'm proud to say that I read 26 books this year, which is the most I've ever done (at least since I've been tracking). A key component to this which I recently embraced, are audiobooks. I've read a few this year, and at some point in the near future, I'll devote a post summarizing those that I've read (none from the book lists). But up next, I'll circle back around to Fear of Flying by Erica Jong. I started reading this book last summer, got about 3 pages in, and didn't want to continue. I think it was because I had just finished Portnoy's Complaint and had consumed plenty of vulgarity (and I'm definitely no square!!) and infidelity for a moment. But I think I'm ready to try again. Wish me luck. 

182 left. 

"Preventing Your Heart From Forgiving Someone You Love is Actually a Hell of a Lot Harder Than Simply Forgiving Them."

I took a quick sojourn from the book lists to read a popular author to see what the fuss was all about. So I read It Ends With Us by Colleen Hoover. For those of you who don't know, Colleen Hoover has all but dominated the fiction market in the last couple years, occupying most of the spaces on the NYT Bestsellers list for most of 2022. My sister is a big fan so I wanted to see how I felt about this hype. 

And lemme tell ya, it's been a minute since I've read a book that make me mad (probably since Go Set a Watchman, but for very very different reasons). From the jump, I despised the trope of the here's-the-super-goodlooking-neurosurgeon-who-doesn't-believe-in-love-but-she's-the-one-woman-he'll-change-all-of-that-for. Lily's (the main character) love interest, Ryle, was a toxic piece of shit right out of the gate. And it legit made me angry that he was written in a way to intentionally make (female) readers fall for this guy as a "charmer." Awww, he went knocking on 29 peoples' doors in the middle of the night because he just had to find her? So sweet! Wrong. Toxic AF. He was begging her to have sex with him because he couldn't stop thinking of her! He must be in love. Wrong. Toxic AF. 

And the way Lily's feelings for Ryle were written made me angry. There was no substance to them - she "just loved him" (uhhh, of course any woman from an abusive home who meets the gorgeous doctor who can't get enough of you and love-bombs the fuck out of you is going to believe that it's love). And when he became the abuser, every excuse was made for his behavior. It was an accident, I know he really loves me, I really love him, his brother accidentally shot himself so there's a reason for his repressed anger, etc etc etc. And it all felt like a manipulation of the reader. And while I appreciate that this is likely written to represent all of the excuses that women in abusive relationships use for staying, it felt reckless and irresponsible to be written in this manner. It felt like it had been set up for the reader to want to root more for the "love" this couple had for each other than to want her to leave. The only redemption of this book is that if fulfills the title and Lily does leave her marriage with her child to protect their daughter (sorry, spoiler alert). 

So if this is what Colleen Hoover is about, I think I'm good with stopping at just the one. Good for her for finding a niche that clearly is filling a need that many readers are enjoying, but it's just not for me. 

So it's back to the lists. Next up is The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde. Oddly enough, I have absolutely no idea what this book is about. So we'll find out!

"Everyone, Real or Invented, Deserves the Open Destiny of Life."

I don't really know what to say about Enormous Changes at the Last Minute by Grace Paley. It was a collection of short stories first published in 1960. And I can easily say that I've never read an author who writes the way she does. Maybe a little reminiscent of Dorothy Parker, but blunt in a different kind of way. Not overly wordy or florid language, but sometimes a very honest kind of a gut punch.

All of the stories were largely about single mothers or young women in unhappy marriages, taking place in New York, including the recurrence of one character, Faith, which I guess Paley had used multiple times across many of her writings. There were very open descriptions of sex and sexual relationships which seemed quite avant garde to have been written in the 1950s by a woman. 

And while I have much appreciation and respect for the way Paley crafted the stories, oddly enough, this book is not going to be memorable for me at all. Even now, having finished it not that long ago, I can barely remember any of the actual storylines of any of the vignettes. So it's interesting to me that the way a writer writes can leave more of an impression on me than the stories themselves (and I certainly feel the same way about other writers too in the opposite sense). So overall while I appreciated the book, I probably wouldn't pick it up again or recommend it to others. Is that a bad thing? 

183 to go (I swear I feel like I've been at 183 for an eternity).  

"You Do Not Let Your Eyes See Nor Your Eyes Hear, and That Which is Outside Your Daily Life is Not of Account to You."

I don't know how I've gotten to 43 years of age and not actually seen a movie of or read the novel of Dracula. Sure, I know all of the stuff about vampires; all the cliches, all of the fascination, all of the other stories spawned from this one legend. And you guys: this book was amazing. Given that it was published in 1897 (more on that in a moment), it holds up. It's engaging, suspenseful (and expertly built), with just the right amount of foreshadowing. 

And considering how much focus over the years has landed on the actual character of Dracula, he's surprisingly not in the book all that much. Sure, he's a presence that continues to wreak havoc on a couple of the different female characters (and their male loves in consequence), but we don't see him in his body all that much. Mostly in the beginning when he has made a prisoner of Jonathan Harker, who has travelled to Romania to go over some legal paperwork with the Count himself. I don't want to think that I let my knowledge of Dracula affect my interpretations of what was presented in the novel, but the way he was written was as one cruel being. Sure, he was able to share exchanges of intellect with Jonathan while he was initially in Romania, but after that, he is ruthless and cruel. But his evasiveness and cunning made him even more dangerous. The character in the novel really is the embodiment of pure evil. 

So I know that it's not easy to want to delve into the classics. But this is one I would say DO IT. It holds up to today's standards and is still completely engaging. I was turning the pages at the end in complete suspense for how it was going to end (because, as I mentioned, I didn't actually know the full story). 

Next up is Enormous Changes at the Last Minute by Grace Paley. I don't think I knew that this was a collection of short stories - it was a random selection from my list of works by women writers. We'll see how she goes. 

184 to go. 

"Everyone Had Secret Corners and Alleys That No One Else Saw - What Mattered Were Your Major Streets and Boulevards, the Stuff That Showed Up On Other People's Maps of You."

I think that one of the words I would use to describe Harlem Shuffle is authentic. In every way the story was told, the historical accuracy feels like you are genuinely transported back to 1960s Harlem. From the descriptions of the community, the neighborhoods, the buildings, the characters; they're distinct, and provide a setting that gives the story a lot of grounding. The hustling, the petty crime, the political corruption, the real people living their lives. The time and setting felt as much of a main character as Ray Carney. 

Ray Carney is a furniture store owner who is looking to keep him and his family on the up and up. Trying to be a legit business owner. With a very small dose of looking the other way when dealing with low-level petty crime. If he knows that merchandise comes to him that may have fallen off the back of a truck, he doesn't get all righteous, but just moves it as needed. He stays below the radar of the cops while still being in touch with the ebb and flow of the neighborhood. However, he gets pulled into a robbery with his brother Freddie, and he spends the next few years tiptoeing around to keep himself on the right side of everyone he needs to be on the right side of. 

I haven't read any of Colson Whitehead's other works, but if this is where I start, I'm looking forward to reading more (I don't know why I didn't start with one of his Pulitzer winning works, but I guess that means things go up from an already enjoyable read). Sometimes you read authors whose writing is just so easy it makes you jealous. That's kind of how I felt about him. Would definitely recommend. 

Next up, back to the lists with Dracula by Bram Stoker. It seemed appropriate to start reading this 2 weeks before Halloween. Amusing side note: when I ordered the book online, I mistakenly chose the version of the book in Spanish. Anyone want to read Dracula en espanol?

Happy reading!

"We Always Seem Old in These Moments, But Not in a Dreary Way. It's Rather Like We're Celebrating Something That Was Hard-Earned. We Were Young Once, and Now We Have All This."

If you're a fan of David Sedaris, you will likely enjoy A Carnival of Snackery. It includes 18 years worth of his journal entries. They consist largely of observations and funny snippets of his extensive travels around the world (to his 4 homes in France, England, NYC, and North Carolina and so much traveling for book readings/signings). But also glimpses into his life when he's just at home between events. He collects jokes from people during his book signings and boy, does he share some gems! 

I've always been a fan of Sedaris since the early 2000s when I first heard him as a contributor on This American Life. It was before podcasts and before websites made so much audio content available, so you really had to catch the program on the radio to enjoy it. And I've of course loved all of his books that I've read. 

However, this one felt different to me. And I'll acknowledge that it's probably mostly a "me thing" and nothing to do with Sedaris as an author. I think maybe I'm just older than I was when I first discovered him, but somehow, reading journal entries back to back to back (and this was only reading a couple a day, mind you) left a bit of a bad taste in my mouth about Sedaris as a person. While he acknowledges his flaws and selfishness on many occasions, it just became a lot by the end. Vanity over his clothing, cynicism for other people's eccentricities, and annoyance at serious matters that inconvenience him. It came across as a crotchety boomer vibe. I appreciate his honesty about who he is, and I get that this is the crux of what makes him so successful as a writer. And many times, the snarky stuff is just used for a punch line to a piece. But I don't know, something about the format of it just being shorter pieces and the volume of them drove this all home over and over again, and I'm not going to lie, I was a bit glad to be done with it. Mostly because I didn't want to have my opinion of a writer who I love tarnished any further. I did enjoy it and I laughed out loud many times, but I recommend it with a bit of caution - it may grate on you by the end. 

Harlem Shuffle still in progress. Hopefully completed soon.   

"It Will Be, At Times, As If It Were Less Hardship to be Sleeping in the Graveyard of Your Native Land, to be Asleep Underneath the Stones That Cover Your Island in the Sea"

The biggest thing I appreciate about the books on my list of 100 great 20th century works of fiction by women is that I come across books that never in a million years would have crossed into my awareness. I get plenty of suggestions from Goodreads and from BookTok, but even then, so many of those novels are current day fiction that are pretty widely popular. So without this list, I never would have come across a gem like Away by Jane Urquhart. 

This book was just wonderful. It had elements of mysticism based in cultural folklore that was written as true that made the characters complicated, and distant, and unique. And it actually reminded me a little bit of the novel Tracks by Louise Erdrich that I also recently read and wrote about. But this time, as opposed to Native American folklore, it was Irish. And the connection of the Irish to the sea/rivers/lakes and to the land.

Mary is a young girl living on a small island in northern Ireland in the 1840s when one day a sailor (and a multitude of cabbages and teapots) from a nearby shipwreck wash ashore. Mary falls madly in love with the man who dies in her arms and from that moment on, is connected with the soul of the sea in inexplicable ways. She ends up marrying a pleasant enough schoolteacher and has children when the potato famine comes to devastate everyone on their island. She and her family emigrate to Canada to start a new life amid an entirely new set of hardships and isolation. Her children Liam and Eileen become the next generation to learn to live off the land and improve their lives, with Eileen carrying a bit of her mother's mystical ways. Grounding the story is Eileen's granddaughter, Esther, living in present day Canada, in the town where her ancestors settled, and still experiencing a bit of the curses that were wrought over time.

This story was so wonderfully told; it felt impossible but real at the same time. The language was rich and interesting. I feel like there are probably many immigrant stories out there and plenty of Irish fiction, but this felt so unique. Maybe I'm just finding that I like a historical fiction to not always be "just the facts ma'am" and have a little bit of something unexplainable to it. That's probably why I like Beloved so much too. I can see that maybe not everyone would have the same reaction as I did to this novel, but give it a shot and maybe you'll find that generational folklore can hold mysteries that are wonderful to read.

Next up is a pause in the book lists to read Harlem Shuffle by Colson Whitehead. I've also been making my way through A Carnival of Snackery by David Sedaris (based on his journal entries from 2003 to 2020, I read a few every morning before I start working to give me a smile and a happier way to start the day). We'll see which one I finish first. 185 to go.